Reclaiming the Reiver: the Carr Clan

Reclaiming the Reiver: the Carr Clan

I inherited much from my father beyond a name. Three things that spring immediately to mind: blue eyes, fleshy lips, and a gap between my front teeth. I was fortunate to inherit only the gap: my father had a small extra tooth, a mesiodens in dentist-speak.

dad

My dad with his third tooth. He was an RCAF tail-gunner in WWII.

These traits I passed on to my son. But the physical is superficia—it can be masked, bent, and altered, until we are cosmetic replicas of the original.

What is more difficult to change are the invisible propensities that define us. Of these, I inherited a tobacco addiction, the need for natural solitude, and a spiritual quest to understand the soul, perhaps even to know God.
There was a time I did not want my father’s name and cast it off. A relic of the patriarchy, it did nothing but remind me of the war we fought when I was a wild and raging teen and he a bewildered controlling father. But time passes, wounds heal, and perceptions change.

This summer, I stood atop a rise 100 kilometres east of Toronto and surveyed a vast expanse of farmland and pocketed forest running south all the way to Lake Ontario. By chance, I had booked an Airbnb north of the town of Cobourg, near the village of Baltimore. It was a long weekend and everywhere else was booked. I knew from my ancestry research that my father’s family, the Carr clan, had farmed in Cobourg for 150 years. As kids we’d visited a cousin there. The Carr farm was located at the corner of Concession 4 Lot 3 Baltimore, north of Cobourg. What I didn’t know was that I was standing virtually on top of that land. Nothing happens by chance.Cobourg Land.jpg
If you believe, as I do, that the natural landscape absorbs and holds the memory of all it experiences; then you must also appreciate that we can feel those memories when immersed in that landscape. As I stood there, I felt them. A tickling in my consciousness,a gentle nudge, a whisper that said, “You know this land. This is the place of your people.”

Of course, the Carr clan didn’t start here. This is where they ended up.

Stephen Carr moved to Cobourg from Yorkshire, England sometime between 1850 and 1860. He married Margaret Carr in Cobourg on 27 November 1861. He was 30 at the time and Margaret was his 17-year-old cousin. My great-grandfather, Mathias John was born in Cobourg on 08 Dec 1861. Error or very pregnant cousin?

Carr is a common Celtic name in Ireland, Scotland, and Yorkshire. I’ve traced my Carr clan through parish records back to 1600 where they farmed near a village named Bolton-by-Bowland in the Ribble Valley for several generations. The village is due west of York and just downriver from the Scottish border.

The Carr Clan in Yorkshire were known as “Border Reivers”—a lawless gang who ravaged the border towns between Scotland and England.

As a surname Carrs are commonest in Scotland and the north of England where they were once a notorious border reiving clan. Like most border folk of the Elizabethan period, the Carrs lived in fortified houses called pele towers. Pele towers were virtually impregnable stone built tower houses with walls three to four feet thick. The peles had two or three upper storeys accessed by a narrow spiral staircase, which in most cases ran upwards in a clockwise direction. This gave an advantage to right-handed swordsmen defending their peles. The Carrs were different, they were noted for being left-handed, so their stairs ran in an anti-clockwise direction.

Similar to the Reavers in the film Serenity, the Border Reivers were outlaws who survived by raiding not by nation, but by necessity. Cattle, sheep and anything moveable was fair game on both sides of the English-Scottish border. After years of plunder by the armies of both nations they had nothing left, and a man must provide for his family.

When James I took the English throne in 1603, he determined to put an end to three hundred years of reiving and conducted mass hangings along the border. The reivers who did not submit to the English King, lost their land, their homes, and their lives. Those who survived were forced to flee.

These are my father’s people. From rustlers and thieves emerged farmers; ever resilient, creative, and independent, they found a new home and a means to survive.

For now, I think I’ll keep the name. The Carr in me has tales to tell.

Burns Bog is Burning

Burns Bog is Burning

Lost
by David Wagoner, from Collected Poems 1956-1976
Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

The forest has found me. As I sit here writing I smell wood burning. The forest is burning. Burns Bog is burning.
We saw it this afternoon as we drove towards Vancouver. A grey vortex that spiralled skyward into an ominous towering cumulus. Like a mushroom cloud it threatens life. Like a mushroom cloud it was made by us. Listen. The forest reminds us of our greed, our carelessness, the devastation we humans created and now cannot forget.

burns-bog-fire-2016

CBC news photo


 
Burns Bog is a wetland stretching 3,000 hectares along the Fraser River in Delta, BC. It is home to “175 bird species, 41 mammals, 11 amphibians, 6 reptiles, and 4,000 (approximate) invertebrate species.” Somewhere between 50 and 100 hectares is burning. It is home to several rare and endangered species including the “peregrine falcon, the Southern Red-backed Vole, the Pacific Water Shrew, and the painted turtle.” Burns Bog
Here and now, Burns Bog is burning. Stand still. Listen.
The forest has found me. Here in the stillness.
But it is not still for the forest.
 
 
 
 

Druids Today

Druids Today

One of my main characters in To Sleep With Stones is a mysterious blue-tattooed dwarf who runs an antiquities shop in Glasgow and practices Druidry. Creating Magus Dubh has led me on a journey into the  realm of contemporary Druids. Over the past several months I’ve researched Druidry and reflected on its importance to a planet in peril. Living on the West Coast of Canada means I’ve had to do this via the net and missed the visceral experience I could get in the UK. Still, I’m learning.
One of my best teachers is Philip Carr-Gomme. A brilliant man, who can distill even the most complicated of issues with a wave of his pen, Carr-Gomme has led the The Order of Bards Ovates and Druids since 1988.


It seems to me that Druids are People of the Trees. Their love for nature inspires them to protect and preserve, celebrate and advocate for the natural world.
Spiritually affiliated with the Celtic tribes, Druids are both artistic and political, bards and judges, but I leave this to Carr-Gomme to explain.
On his latest blog post, he offers an mp3 recording of a talk on Druid Wisdom. Listening to him explain in story what Druidry entails is both inspiring and peaceful. Perhaps I hear the voices of my ancestors in his words; or perhaps I am recalling bygone days when I lived in the Druid world myself. Maybe I am just resonating with the magic of storytelling.
When I laid on the hill of Tara in 2005, I experienced something similar. What now looks like a sheep pasture was once a vibrant home to the kings of Ireland. It is a sacred landscape to which I long to return because it feels like home.
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Musing with the Sidhe. Tara Ireland

Shaking the Ancestral Tree

Shaking the Ancestral Tree

Last weekend, I attended a workshop at my local library hosted by novelist Jen Sookfong Lee. Jen, who has written novels that explore her heritage and familial roots, was Writer in Residence for the month of May. The workshop, “When Memoir Inspires Fiction” attracted people who long to know more about their ancestors and share their stories. I am one of them.

We talked about doing historical research and using primary documents such as letters, diaries, and certificates, along with family stories and imagination to create fiction. As we navigate this shadowy terrain, ancestors transform into characters who love, fight, travel often far from home, raise families, and experience joy, struggle, and heartbreak.
My fascination with the past has inspired me to shake the ancestral tree for several years. One of the tools I found most useful in my research was ancestry.com. Here are some tips for using the site.

To start, sign up for a 14-day free trial when you know you will have time to dedicate to exploring. It can take hours to sift through historical documents. I uncovered birth, death, and marriage certificates, photographs of ancestors and their tombstones, and even the passenger list from the ship my grandmother sailed in from Liverpool to Montreal. Each discovery of an ancestor’s name in print provides another thrilling piece of the puzzle.
If possible, collaborate with other family members. You can create one tree, invite willing explorers and give them editing privileges. My uncle created one branch of my father’s family tree (his mother’s line from southern England) and uploaded information he had  acquired. My cousin helped with my mother’s line as we share maternal grandparents. Meanwhile, I started backtracking my father and mother’s roots.

One of the coolest things about ancestry.com is that other people are doing exactly what you’re doing. You can share documents and photographs and ask to visit their trees. Many folks will send you messages and requests. I was contacted by a cousin I never knew existed (she calls my father Uncle Bill) who had visited a parish in Yorkshire and scanned all the records for my father’s family back to 1600! Other relations also have different pieces, perceptions, and memories. You get messages like this:

The Carr in Cobourg was Grampa Carr’s baby brother born out of wedlock 2 years after Margarets husband Stephen died, and he was a big fat man that used to get stuck in gramma Carr’s rocking chair that sat in our kitchen.

I struck up another friendship with Nancy, a relative on my mother’s side, who sent me several Lezzephotographs of Tuscarora ancestors. One is a tintype of “Lezze” who married Thomas, a Dutchman in Ontario. We shared the same family stories though we’d never heard of each other. Her grandfather was named Obediah–he was my great-grandfather’s youngest brother.

Nancy also scanned me a letter Thomas wrote to another brother shortly before he was killed in a bar fight. He was thrilled that his fifth child had just been born—a son they named Obediah after his father and brother. The story Nancy told was that Thomas was actually murdered. He and Lezze had moved to Michigan to be near her brother who’d fought with Louis Riel and fled Canada.
This is a sample of his writing from the letter:

Well you wanted to now where Obediah was. I don’t now whare he is. I hant heard from him sench you hare but I hope he is all rite.

Apparently, Obediah was all right. He lived longer than Thomas and his granddaughter became my friend.

This is a novel waiting to happen.

Escaping the Mire

Escaping the Mire

What do you do when you find yourself stuck in what Lovecraft calls the “hellish black mire”? Life is moving along at its usual pace and then something triggers your anxiety or depression. It happens to all of us. Depending on your level of sensitivity, it could be as simple as a misunderstood conversation, a car accident, an upcoming test, a layoff notice, or a misplaced accusation. Then again, it could be life threatening: some form of abuse, a diagnosis, the end of a relationship, the loss of a child. The mire does not discriminate. It reaches out and swallows you whole.
We know all the things we “should” do to shift moods. We’ve heard them all before. But when you’re mired to your thighs, movement seems impossible.


I’ve been wrestling with this the last few days and have attempted to halt the perseveration, the self-doubt, the auto-rewind conversations in my head, the haunting images, the insomnia, the constant urge to weep. To some degree my techniques worked. I’ve reached a place where today I can write. What brought me here is not of consequence; the way out is what’s important. I’ll share what I’ve tried.
Change genres: I love mysteries and thrillers, but when you start getting triggered by what you’re reading or watching, switch. Avoid conspiracy theories and feeding the drama. Don’t watch the news. Don’t read horror stories on social media. Go light. Go comedy.
Meditation: This is difficult at the best of times and nigh impossible when you’re perseverating; however it’s worth the work. Count each breath, use your favourite music or sound effects as background, and/or combine with visualization. Create a place in your mind where you feel safe, secure, and comfortable, and stay there as long as possible. I crawl into the branches of a massive willow tree. I love her. Another technique I just learned is to bundle your problems or fears into a sack and toss it off a bridge. Watch it sink to the river bottom and then continue on your wilderness walk. I’m considering actually writing words on rocks and tossing them into the ocean.
Tapping: I’ve never done this before though my friend, who is a counsellor, often talks about using it with her clients. I googled a how-to last night and tried it. The first thing you are asked to do is define the problem. What I discovered in doing this was that the incident that brought me here was triggered by a lifelong fear. That actually helped. I wasn’t able to tap myself from 10 to 0 (the idea is to verbalize the problem as you tap through various points) but I felt lighter afterwards, so some shifting occurred. I’ll continue to tap.
Go out: I am a highly sensitive introvert so going out is stressful for me (unless I’m near a traditional pub in Ireland). However, when you’re stuck in the mire, you cannot halt the internal dialogue without distractions. I went to my garden plot and then for a walk around the ocean. Being in nature is always healing for me. Passing people on the trail forced me to smile at times and cut into the constant negative imagining. Watch children play or go to a dog park. As Frankie says, “golden retrievers are living hugs”.
Work with the elements: Last night I went outside in the dark and stared at the full moon. When I awoke at 2am I took my crystals outside and left them to be bathed in the moonlight. Also try candlelit baths, sweats, walking in the wind, camping, or earthing.
Talk to a friend you love and trust: Very important. Holding all that misery inside gives it power. You want to diminish the hold so you can make a shift. On the same note, avoid feeding the anxiety by talking it up. Resist telling everyone your story. Instead, hang out with friends who distract you with laughter. You know who you are.
Do something physical: We sit in the centre of Emotion, Mind, Spirit, and Body, so must hit all four elements. Stand up and move–walk, run, bike, swim, clean your house, plant flowers, do yoga, put on music and dance, turn up the tunes and sing, cook and comfort yourself with food. Just be careful with alcohol and drugs. As Lovecraft discovered in “Dagon” drugs will suck you deeper into the mire.
Go spiritual. Whatever that is for you. Smudging with sage always brings me comfort and clarity. As well, I watched a Kyle Grey angel video on youtube last night and visualized myself being rocked in the loving arms of my angel. This sparked an epiphany. I realized that LOVE is what’s important here–receiving love and sending love–and as hard as that seemed I was able to do that. I think this moment of compassion may have created the greatest shift of all. This morning I went to church, played the drum, sang, and listened to the sermon. Oddly enough, the priest said, “celebrate and dance”.
What do you do when you feel stuck in the “hellish black mire”? Do you have any techniques that work in the moment? Any advice for pulling yourself out of the quicksand?

An Elemental Prayer

An Elemental Prayer

Recently I discovered a prayer given to Celtic shaman Caitlin Matthews in a dream. I tweaked it slightly to work for me and have been affirming it during my first awakening meditation  and again just before going to sleep. Over the last month it’s brought me comfort and peace; as well as, a sense of focus. As I chant this in my mind, I walk a medicine wheel beginning in the east, and at each point I visualize a symbol from the natural world that represents the element. I see myself in the centre, surrounded by my ancestors, and then the elements. Sometimes I walk it more than once, depending on what I need in the moment. I offer it here, with gratitude to Caitlin Matthews, and hope that it may aid you in some way as it has aided me.

Blessed be the precious and preserving air which sustains us
Blessed be the precious and preserving fire which warms us
Blessed be the precious and preserving water which cleanses and heals us
Blessed be the precious and preserving earth which nurtures and nourishes us
Blessed be the divine spirit within and around us
Blessed be the ancestors, now, then, and forever.

 

cedar circle

Cedar Circle (Nootka 2014)